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16th September 2008 Charles J. Brown
07:15 pm

Morlocks for Obama

A sunbed, with lights off.When news of Sarah Palin installing a tanning bed in the governor’s mansion broke, my first reaction actually was “well, she just nailed down the sorority girl vote.”  You know the ones I’m talking about:  go to any tanning salon, and it’s filled with pretty (vacant) white girls getting their skin ready for Cabo San Lucas.  These are the same women that Everclear infamously parodied in Volvo Driving Hockey Soccer Moms.  Well, at least some of them.

Turns out I was more right than I thought.  The Indoor Tanning Association has now issued a press release defending Sarah Palin:

In locations such as Alaska, tanning beds provide important health benefits as a source of UV light.  In the bleak winter months, many Americans experience vitamin D deficiency and the best way to manufacture vitamin D is through exposure to UV light.  But it is impossible to get the requisite amount of vitamin D from the sun in cities north of 37 degrees latitude for as many as 6 months out of the year; people living as far north as Juneau, Alaska, are deprived of vitamin D from sunlight for even longer. . . .

While partisan bloggers and the sun scare industry will use this as an opportunity to undermine Gov. Palin and demonize the indoor tanning industry, the fact is that Governor Palin’s decision to get UV light from a tanning bed positively impacts her health.

“Moderate amounts of indoor tanning allow Governor Palin to experience the many health benefits that come with exposure to UV light,” said Dan Humiston, President of the Indoor Tanning Association.  “Especially in dreary northern locations like Alaska, indoor tanning can help guard against wintertime depression and ward off diseases associated with vitamin D deficiency. Kudos to Governor Palin for standing up to dermatologists and other members of the sun scare industry who are trying to frighten Americans away from UV light.”

You heard it here first, folks:  Democrats hate the sun.  They’re actually Morlocks.

Three points.

1.  I wonder how Alaskans are going to feel about having their state called a “dreary northern location”?

2.  Have these idiots ever heard of Calcium Citrate?  You can get your Vitamin D in a pill and not have to worry about that little side effect called skin cancer.

3.  It’s awfully hard to “frighten Americans away from UV light,” given that the freaking sun is the source of most of it.

But what do I know?  I’m just an Eloi-eating surrender Morlock.

These guys should form an interest group in support of Sarah Palin.  You know, like Veterans for McCain.  I even can suggest a name:  Tanning Tards for Sunshine Sarah.

Hat tip:  Marc Ambinder

Photos:  Tanning bed via Wikipedia using a GNU Free Documentation License; Morlocks via Pere Ubu, using a Creative Commons license.

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  1. 1 On September 17th, 2008, Midwest McGarry said:

    The Morlocks EAT the Eloi?!? I am reading The Time Machine right now… and you just ruined it!

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